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The Protectors® Podcast
Welcome to The Protectors® Podcast, where the valor meets the storyteller. Hosted by Jason Piccolo, a seasoned veteran and retired special agent, this series is a must-listen for anyone intrigued by the courage and tales of those who pledge to protect us. Beyond the front-line stories of bravery and dedication, this podcast goes a step further, weaving in the perspectives of those who bolster and narrate the protector's journey—featuring a remarkable lineup including New York Times Best Sellers and acclaimed Hollywood actors.
The Protectors® Podcast offers a diverse array of voices, from those who wear the uniform to the authors and entertainers who amplify their stories. It's a unique blend that highlights not only the raw realities faced by our protectors but also how their sacrifices inspire the narratives we cherish in literature and film. Each episode is a testament to the interconnected worlds of service and support, bringing listeners an unmatched depth of insight.
Dr. Jason Piccolo is a retired federal agent, former U.S. Army Infantry Captain (Iraq 2006), and author.
Past Guests Include:- Sean Patrick Flanery - Andrews & Wilson- Mark Greaney- Stephen Hunter- Remi Adeleke - Florent Groberg - Clint Emerson - Travis Mills
The Protectors® Podcast
532 | Claudia King
We delve deep into the reality of battling depression, challenging the stereotypes and exploring practical approaches for navigating mental health struggles.
• Depression is an invisible force that can affect anyone regardless of external success or appearance
• First step to healing is recognizing and admitting you're struggling
• Treatment requires multiple approaches—medication, therapy, exercise, meditation
• Recovery isn't linear—setbacks happen and that's normal
• Building a "Strong Enough List" can help restore confidence during difficult times
• Finding activities that require full presence (like painting or horseback riding) helps manage depression
• Healing from trauma doesn't mean it disappears, but learning better ways to respond to triggers
• The difference between making decisions from your head versus your heart
If you're struggling with depression, make a commitment today to take one small step. Whether it's researching therapists, starting a daily walk, or reaching out to a friend - every positive action creates momentum toward healing.
Make sure to check out Jason on IG @drjasonpiccolo
hey, welcome back to protectors podcast. My good friend and fellow podcaster and fellow court tv guest expert, uh, claudia King, is back on the show, claudia, welcome.
Speaker 2:Jason, it is amazing to be here and we have gotten really close in the last year or so and it has been awesome. I think you are an amazing guy and so I'm stoked to chat with you a little bit today in a way where everybody else can hear us, because you know we do a lot of private chatting. But this will be great.
Speaker 1:We are always chatting, and that is a great thing about having good friends, Cause sometimes you just need those, those texts, you need those, you need people in your corner. One thing right before I record is it just it hit me because I was telling you that story about one of my friends the other day said you don't look like you had depression. And it's so crazy because I remember and her, she's going to come back and she's going to come on a show with me as well, and and we're going to talk about depression. But I want to tell people like you can't judge a book by its cover.
Speaker 1:I've, I've been battling and it's a battle. You know. Some days are a lot better than others and some days are rough. There's, there's ways to remedy it and I think I'm learning them. But depression, you can't judge anybody, and that's the same thing with you is like you can't judge you by what you see on TV. You have these smiley, happy faces. You have the social media, you have this, you have that, but people are still struggling. They're struggling with it, and so many people that we see, our friends included. We never know. We never know, and I do want to caveat that just because you have depression does not mean you are suicidal. It means like you're just fighting against this thing that people don't understand, and I don't think a lot of people do understand it.
Speaker 2:No, I think you're right, and to me it feels like this invisible force that keeps you from being able to will yourself to do things. And what I mean by that is when I'm really in it, I can't get out of bed. I want to get out of bed. There's nothing physically keeping me from getting out of bed, but my brain just can't get there and I really isolate myself and I really isolate myself. So I'm not suicidal, as you said. You know, I just can't make those chemicals in my brain work the way that I want them to.
Speaker 2:And I'll be the one to say I used to judge people and think that medication for depression or anxiety was silly and that you know we can. We can will ourselves to do anything. And then God said oh, is that what you think? Well, let me really show you, and now I understand it. It literally is is a chemical imbalance in our brains that make these things happen, and there are ways to make it better. But admitting it kind of is the first step, because until you reach out and get help, you're going to be battling that invisible force all by yourself and you can't do that.
Speaker 1:It's, it's a, it's a battle. It is like, and when you know people don't realize when you go into battle you have to bring everything, you have to fight with everything you have To me, just cause my, my life has transitioned so much over the past few months. I mean, it's been going on for a very long time but the final transition into this new part of my life, you know, coming out of a very, very long thing, I'll leave it at that you know, a 30-year thing and it's and something new is starting. I mean, and it's so weird, like you think you're ready to take that next step, you think you're ready and then all of a sudden it hits you like a brick, like Whoa, this is your new reality, this is your new life, this is the new you, this is the old Jason is completely gone. And then that depression kind of it seeps in. And if you don't like recognize it right away, there could be, there could be those days when you're stuck in bed.
Speaker 1:I've been, I've been on this like kick where and it's not even a kick anymore, it had to be a lifestyle change where, like I've got to work and do something every day to move my body, whether it's a gym, walking, both, biking, anything to keep my body moving, cause my body needs it needs that. I've been slacking a lot, but I've been doing transidential meditation. I need to not do it just once a day, I need to do it twice a day, cause I need that. I need a new therapist. So I'm recognizing, as we're talking here, the things that I need to have done in order to keep going. My therapist and I hit a wall where really she was able to get me to this point in my life where I'm at now, but now I need someone else to work on this.
Speaker 1:My next battle is to completely work on the depression. I don't want these dark days. Today is to completely work on the depression. I don't want these dark days. Today was almost one of them. I got up and I had some news and I was like, huh, it hit me a little bit different and then I was like I got to get out of bed and I got to move. I got to move and I got to get to the gym. I got to look at the positives and you could have the best life in the world. I mean, you can. I have two incredibly amazing children that bring me so much joy in life. And even if you have them, it's still the depression hits you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it hits everybody or it can hit everybody, and it doesn't matter what you have or who's in your life, or how much money you have or where you travel. It doesn't discriminate in that regard. And I love what you said earlier about taking kind of all your tools into battle, because I've always said, you know, if there's ever a fight to the death, I'm going to win. You know, that was kind of my mantra as a police officer, because you got to be ready for that at any time. And this is the same thing If this is a fight to the death, I'm going to win. I will beat depression, I will beat anxiety, I will take all the tools into that battle with me and it will not win. And that's the attitude that you have to have.
Speaker 2:I do want to say those dark days may still hit, and that's okay. Um, because it's. It's not a linear path, you know it's it. There can be ups and downs, hills and valleys, and that's okay, that's part of our journey. And we have to not beat ourselves up when that happens and think well, I had a bad day, so I guess I'm not, I don't have depression kicked. You're going to have those bad days and that's all right.
Speaker 1:You know, I'm glad you said that, because setbacks happen all the time and it's just being able to. I always call it the foothold. You need to get a foothold out of it and whether that depression is this huge mountain that you have to get out of, you have to get out of it. I used to call my depression. Like everybody has different feelings, but mine was always like I have this like sponge in my head and you know, when you, when you clean your your dishes and you have a clean sponge, it's like, ah, it's clean, you can clean everything. But mine was always like this dark sponge, filled with just darkness that I couldn't. I couldn't. It's in my head and if I could just get rid of that sponge out of my head, all the negativity would be gone.
Speaker 1:And now I'm realizing that I need the depression to be considered a battle. It's like a constant warfare In order to get out of the sponge. I need to take that step and I really hope this kind of resonates with the audience, because a lot of the people we know are fighting it and it might not be massive depression. It might not be depression where you need medication. You might just need to talk to people. You might need to vent. You might need to vent, you might need to just get away from it, but you have to recognize it first. I think that is the first step.
Speaker 2:It definitely is, and it's hard, especially for people like us who have very strong exteriors and have been in careers that require independence and assertiveness and dominance. In some regard, it's hard to admit that there's something that we can't even see, that is trying to beat us down and, on some days, is a little successful. So admitting it really is the first step and it is the most difficult step, in my opinion as well.
Speaker 1:Once you admit it, that's when the work begins. That is like sit, listen, I'm 52 years old, I've, I'm done, I'm done letting this control my life. I'm done letting a lot of things control my life. And now you have to really sit down and think about it, make a plan and execute. I mean, a lot of us are a lot of people who listen to this have been in the military, they've been in law enforcement, they've been in any job where you had to make a decision.
Speaker 1:And the decision is you have to look at it as like, okay, well, I could change my diet and that can help one part of it, but then it's the whole picture. It's like, okay, I could change my diet and that can help one part of it, but then it's the whole picture. It's like, okay, I could change my diet, I could limit or get rid of alcohol, and then I could work out, I could walk, I could move my body, I could lift. And then it's like surround yourself by positivity and also find a therapist. And if you don't find, you know, one of my friends is going through something right now, horrible, horrible thing going on in her life a different friend and they're. They're like hey, I you know I'm trying to find a therapist to talk to.
Speaker 2:But the one I went to I didn't like it takes. It may take you four or five different people to get an idea of who you want to talk to. I have said many times on my podcast it's okay to date your therapist, and I don't mean literally like go out on a date with them, but what I mean is it's okay to try out different people until you find the one that you click with, because you may not click with that first person, just like dating. And I think a lot of people use that as an excuse. You know they are hesitant to see somebody in the first place. So they go see one therapist. It doesn't work out and they say see, it's not my fault, I tried, but that therapist didn't work. So now I'm not trying any other ones.
Speaker 2:And I applaud you for saying you need a new therapist. So it wasn't even that your therapist didn't work. You said she got you to the point where you are, but there's more to conquer and you need somebody new. Because, again, a lot of people in that position would say well, she got me this far and that's good enough. And I applaud you for recognizing that that's not good enough and you need to search for the right person for this next chapter.
Speaker 1:I remember, geez, probably a couple of decades ago, going to marriage counseling, and this happens to so many people I know that go to marriage counseling is, they go to one and it doesn't, you don't click. You don't click as a couple going to it and it just doesn't work. And then you just say you know what, I think we're done, I don't need to go to counseling, We'll figure it out on our own. And you know, that's one of the things is you always wonder you're like huh, I wonder if you stick it out, if you could have found the right counselor. But at the end of the day you know that's one of the topics I want to get into is today is like maybe that person you're with trying to get marriage counseling with, isn't the right one. That's going to defeat your soul.
Speaker 2:Absolutely Date your therapist Again? Not really. But try out different people because, just like friends, other relationships, we don't click with everybody. So why would you just assume that you could click with this first therapist and they're going to be the end, all be all and the perfect person to help you? It's great if that's what you find I was lucky enough to have that but that's not always the case and I do think people use that as an excuse.
Speaker 2:They're scared anyway and therapy is scary. You have to get really vulnerable and really raw if you want to get better. Now, if you just want to gloss over things, you can do that, but what's the point? You know, if you're going to put the time and effort and money into it, then you got to do it right. And that is hard and that is scary because you got to let it all out there and you have to bear the things that are the deepest and darkest things inside of you and the scariest to reveal. But that's what you have to reveal to those people to get better and that's why it is so important that you find the right one.
Speaker 1:When you find the right one, don't you, like you said, you can pick apart why they're, why they are bad for you, why this is not a good, good person to go and see and talk to, and then you start making excuses. So when you recognize that, like, for this sense, we're going to and we're going to get into other topics today, today. But when you recognize that you have something wrong with you, or there is something wrong with you because I don't want it to be, like, oh my gosh, I'm broken, I'll never get over this. But when you recognize that you can't keep making excuses, you have to, like, make a like dedicated plan. Like today, as soon as we get off of here, I need to like, I need to research, I need to find a new therapist. I haven't put it off for a week. I've made excuses about that, saying, well, I don't have time, I don't do this.
Speaker 1:Everything else is kind of shifting into place. But this is something else. It's like stop making excuses for trying to heal yourself, because once you start healing your mind, everything else falls into place. Once you start seeing a positive light and you start moving and you start doing things, then everything else your relationships will get better. You will get better. You'll want to move your body, you'll want to do things. You want to see life with like sunlight, you know. Think about it Like the cloudy days really are cloudy days and like it's just once you start seeing it then you really do burst through it. I know it's cliche, but it's true.
Speaker 2:Once you start seeing it, then you really do burst through it, I know it's cliche, but it's true, it is true and you know that's what they say. Things are cliche or stereotypes, because ultimately they are true and you're totally right. You got to stop making excuses and I think a lot of people today like to live in victimhood and people might get mad at me saying that, but sometimes the truth hurts is it's easier to sit in that place where we have been wronged or our brain isn't working correctly and we're depressed or something else bad happened to us. It's easier sometimes to sit in that space of victimhood and gather that attention and the pity and the sorrow, and so a lot of people sit there, I think, and they don't look inward and do the hard work. And that's what I think a lot of people struggle with is they don't want to do the hard work. It's easier to sit in the space they're in and say poor, pitiful me, then go out and do the hard stuff.
Speaker 1:I am so glad that you brought that up, because we all know people who are habitual victims and it's horrible. You have to do the work, listen. The reason I say that is because I've been there myself. I've been. Oh my gosh, how many times have people said woe is me. Oh, you're so, woe is me. How many people ignore you because you become the victim and that's all you talk about is being a victim. It and, believe me, some people are are real victims, but we're. We're not talking about like that. We're not talking about like someone who, like, completely like their life, got gutted and ripped out by some violent, horrific thing or anything. We're talking about, yeah, victimhood.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and well, here's the thing, too, on the real victims is, you're not responsible for what happened to you, but you're responsible for healing yourself and moving forward. Things happen to all of us and some are more horrific than others. And I said to you earlier, before we started recording you know, if people had been through a third of what I'd been through, a lot of them would be crying in the corner. But I did the work. You know I'm not responsible for those things that happened to me, but once they happened, it became my responsibility to heal myself. So I think, yes, there are real victims out there, but once that happens, they still have to take the necessary steps to get better and to move forward you have to recognize it, though you.
Speaker 1:You have to recognize that you are you. Something bad happened to you. It could be the the your relationships broke up. You may have felt like, um, the life hasn't been fair to you and that everybody else has it better than you and you and you and you're like well, I can't crawl out of this hole. So then you just keep letting everything. You're in this hole and it's like someone above you is like just shoveling dirt into it and you don't want to climb out. But someone offers you a ladder to climb out right away. But you're like I don't know, it doesn't look good and that ladder is.
Speaker 1:Every rung of that ladder is a decision you're making to make yourself better. So maybe that's like okay, I am, life is killing me right now. But if I take that first step, I'm going to and that first step could be okay this morning I am going to eat better, I'm going to do something, cause when you're eating better and stuff like that, your body starts to feel better. Your body feels better, your mind feels better. After that, the next rung is I'm going to go for a walk around the block. Okay, boom, that's something, a victory. Boom, I always say that victory thing.
Speaker 1:The third one is like, okay, I know things aren't that good right now, I need to talk to someone. So you get therapy and therapy. Or you get a hold of a friend who you could talk to, but not bitch and not vent. But you get hold of that friend and say, okay, well, how do I, how do I help myself out of this? Fourth is you just you. You plan, you, you look for those ways that you could find the victories that aren't that trauma, that aren't that thing that's holding you back, and I shouldn't say trauma, but that thing that's holding you back that's making you the victim and keep rising up that damn ladder because there's always going to be shit, there's always going to be shit shoveled at you and you know that's what it really is. It's not dirt, it's just people are just going to keep trying to put you down unless you pull yourself up.
Speaker 2:You know, the other thing too is sometimes we have people in our lives that like where we're at. They like us in that hole, they like us having the dirt shoveled upon us, because that allows them to maybe be our savior or to be that one friend that will always be there to listen.
Speaker 2:So you got to make sure to evaluate the people around you because a lot of times, as we do get better, some people don't like that and they're against that and they start to battle. Well, do you really need to go walk today, Jason? You don't really need to find that new therapist. I think you're fine. So you got to battle that on top of everything else to get out of the hole. So it's important to really be mindful that when you're making positive steps, sometimes people are going to rally against that, and that's okay. But you got to keep going up that ladder.
Speaker 1:I am glad you brought that up, because that's one thing I wanted to talk to you about today too, was relationships and finding. So you're on this ladder and a lot of us out there we're. We're in different situations in our life where we may not have uh partners, we may just be alone. We may, you know, just have come off relationships or or maybe we had relationships in the past that just didn't work out. And now you're, you're like you, for instance, you have a partner that's going to identify your traumas, that's going to identify what's holding you back, and it's going to identify like when you're having a rough day. And I believe me, I'm not a relationship coach, because God knows I'm not good at that stuff, but but now I'm, I'm learning about all these things. You know, I'm reading this damn book attached, um, all these other things that try to identify my, my styles and stuff, and that with you is you found someone, someone's going to identify, that someone's like years later you're still enjoying life with.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's what it boils down to. The one piece of relationship advice that I will give all day long is find somebody that you like and that you enjoy doing things with. Because my husband and I have been together it'll be 20 years this December and there are times that we have done things to one another that maybe weren't the best, and you're annoyed with that person and you're like gosh, do I even love them anymore? I'm not sure. But if you like them, that is what will carry you through, because in the times when I was angry or felt rejected or whatever the case may have been, I still wanted to be around him because I liked him, and so I think that really is the key is to find somebody that you like.
Speaker 2:And then I also want to say you know, you said sometimes people are alone, we don't have anybody, and I know that a lot of people you know talk about the negativity of social media and other things like that, but the one thing that that has given us is the ability to connect with people that aren't right next door. So you have the ability and really no excuses to not have somebody in your corner. They might not be in your corner, literally right beside you, but you can find people who are a text message or a phone call away. And that's the beauty of social media and texting and the phones that we have now is you're not limited to the four square miles around you, you have the whole world. So there really is no excuse to not find somebody that you can support and who will support you.
Speaker 1:And by support you mean support, not commiserate.
Speaker 2:Correct.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Commiserating is easy, but, yes, actually support, and we need people in our lives that will call us on our bullshit. That matters because now that you said I've been putting off finding a new therapist and now I've got to do it, I'm going to hold you accountable and I'm going to be texting you later and saying did you do that? What steps did you take today to make that happen? So, yes, sometimes it's hard to hear, but you need the friends in your life who will be honest with you and who will call you and say hey, Jason, that's bullshit. Like, let's step back and let's really evaluate what's going on.
Speaker 1:The accountability is like. I think that is key to friendship.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:It's so key Like, real like and be brutally honest. Because, believe me, I'm brutally honest with friends now. I mean, and they might not like it, but believe me, if you tell me that you want to fix your body and you need to work out, but then the next day you're saying, oh man, you know, I don't really feel like it. Or if we go out to dinner or something like that, or lunch, and you're like, huh, I think I'm going to have that big juicy burger that's 3000 calories, I'm like, well, you don't want to tell, it said you wanted to. It's just being brutally honest and I think that's the best part of like. Real friendship is to that. Today you told me that you like you lost 40 pounds and I was like I didn't.
Speaker 1:You know, that's the thing about social media is you really can't recognize, because a lot of us take pictures with good angles right and um, and I'm I'm very I'm excited for you because there are setbacks and, like you, had injuries and this and that, but tell us about that. That's one thing I want to learn about. How did this all like? Go back, because me, me, I'm in this, I'm in this transition period now too, where I want to, I've got another. I'm actually only got like 25 more pounds to go and I'm good.
Speaker 2:Which I don't see, but I believe you, um, cause you've been crushing it as well. For me, um, I have always struggled with body dysmorphia. So, no matter what I look like, I think I'm fat. But I really was. Maybe I wasn't fat. I mean I was 40 pounds more than I am now, so I was heavier and it came about a because I was injured. I had a back injury that I literally didn't see the downstairs of my own house for at least three months because I could not walk up and down the stairs. So that definitely affected me, and then you sort of get into comfort eating.
Speaker 2:But I also was on some medication that apparently was affecting my ability to lose weight, apparently was affecting my ability to lose weight. And the only way that I was able to figure that out was by being open and honest with my doctor and saying Sammy, something's going on, I don't know what to do. And we started evaluating medications and she says, well, this is a downer, this is a downer, this is a down. You know, like what are we doing here and changing some things up? So I still have the regulation that I need for depression and anxiety and PTSD, but it helped me to lose that weight and I started eating better. So I do eat cereal almost every night. I heard somebody recently say cereal goes in a different stomach. Maybe that's true, I don't know. But I started eating better, I started moving, like you said, and the weight literally just started to come off. I didn't do anything special. I know people hate to hear that. Just started to come off. I didn't do anything special. I know people hate to hear that, but I didn't do anything special. I just feed myself when I want. I try to eat good things. I don't restrict myself. I'm going to have that beer, but to all that point, I still feel fat. Point, I still feel fat. When I look at myself in the mirror, I feel fat.
Speaker 2:And I was packing last night for a cruise and I held up these shorts that are mine and I looked at them and I'm like who thought I could fit in these? Like this is ridiculous. And I held them up to Lee and I said what is this? And he was like that's what size you are. Put them on. And I put them on and they did fit. But that's the struggle that I deal with. So again, that goes back to having that person who will call balls and strikes to say you're not fat, you don't look like that. I understand that's what you see, but I'm going to be honest with you. And so that's where that comes in again, that honesty and that brutal honesty, as you say. Now I'm not saying, if I gained five pounds for him to shuffle on over and say, hey, tubby, lay off the ice cream, but you know that person who's going to be real with you.
Speaker 1:I I posted this thing on YouTube today and it was like I took my kids to the dentist this morning and my daughter looks at me and she goes you look smaller, and not like muscularly smaller, but like and you know what I mean by smaller. She's like my big gut. Like it doesn't. It's not there, like you know, and that was the most like. It's still. It's been four hours now and I'm still thinking about it, cause I'm like someone that I never expected to be like like that. You know you expect people that, like friends and stuff, say hey, bro, you're killing it or this or that, or, but when your daughter you know, your 14 year old daughter looks at you and says that it, it really hit me and it was a victory for me, and I talk about these little victories every day. It's it's like the reason I am so consistent and so dedicated to this right now is to be the best dad that I possibly can.
Speaker 1:I don't want relationships. I don't want anything except to be the best dad. I want my kids to look at me and go wow, he's got it going on. You know he has got it going on. Wow, he's got it going on, he has got it going on and I want them to look up to me, because there's a reality about being 52 and having almost 15 and almost 17-year-old. They didn't see me when I was Special Agent Piccolo on the street or Infantry Captain Piccolo, they see me as the dad. So now I'm at this point where I'm like okay, I want them to see me as the best dad that I can be, and that's just not being physical, it's being there to support them, it's being there for the games and being there to pick them up and being there to talk to them when they're going through some battles, because we know teens go through battles too um, so it's just different. So that's why that like hurt you saying that like really just, I don't know, it's hard to explain you know.
Speaker 2:What else that says to me, though, is that she's watching, so she is seeing dad do those positive things, and what changes are occurring. So, just in that regard, you're still making that positive impression on your kids. And who else is watching? You know, you're on social media, you're, you're on TV. You got a lot going on in all kinds of good things. So who's watching you and who else is going to be positively affected by the things that you're doing? That's big.
Speaker 1:Well, that's like you and I. The reason we do 90% of the things we do is because lessons learned. You've had trauma in your past and you know what. I was going to get into it today, but I don't want to. I don't because you've talked about it in the past and everybody look up Claudia. She's had some horrific things in her past Horrific. But I think today is going to be about like, okay, you're out of that hole. You're literally out of that hole and the things that keep you out of that hole are everything that you're doing. That includes being involved with other people, coaching other people and helping people. Trauma happens for a reason. It's horrible when it happens, I mean it's horrific. But if you get to this point where you could help other people out, it's part of your healing. So I know you've been coaching people for a while. Let's talk about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's why I started doing it. I don't know if you're religious, but I am, and for me I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and I believe that God put me in some of the trauma that I went through for a couple reasons. One was to be able to speak up and get people out of positions so they wouldn't hurt other people. But then the other reason is to have that strength to help others, and I love that. So I have some uncanny ability that I can sit with somebody for about an hour asking some tough questions and I can figure out way back when what made you who you are today, what event kind of surrounds some of the things that you do. You know 30, 40, 50 years later in your life, and then we start to address that. So my coaching is not easy, sometimes it's not fun, but it's to put people back in a stronger and more beautiful way than they were before. Are you familiar with Kintsugi, the Japanese art?
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:So they have this art called Kintsugi and it's where a bowl or a cup will get broken and they'll put it back together and they use this very specific gold glue and they believe that when they put it back together it's stronger and more beautiful than it was before it was broken. And I believe that's us, and I believe everybody has that capability. So everybody that I can help put back together and be stronger and more beautiful, then that's what I'm here to do. You know that's my mission and that's what God has put me on the earth. To do is to be an example and say you can get through this, even if you'll you'll stick just a fingernail out of that hole, cause there were days that was all I could scrape up was a fingernail out of the hole. I couldn't even make it to the ladder. But if you can give me that much, then we can put you on a path to heal.
Speaker 2:I do primarily work with women, just because of what I've been through, but I like working with men too. It's a little more difficult because you guys are a little more challenging sometimes, but the, the building blocks are all the same and the work is all the same and it's really about not being thinking that you will heal from your trauma and then it's gone and you put it on a shelf in a box and you never have to open it up again. That's just not the case and that's the unfortunate truth. My trauma still surfaces. Sometimes Triggers will happen. That put me in a place of having a panic attack, but that's okay, because healing is not linear. It's this twirly, windy road that has ups and downs and all that does is make you a stronger person. So that's what I help other people kind of work through and realize is that we're not at point A and then we're going to get to point B and everything's great. We'll get to point B, but that trauma still occurred and there's still going to be triggers.
Speaker 1:But we're going to talk about how to deal with them in a better way and once you identify them, once you deal with them, like you can start working on the other things Cause, a lot of times, what happens when something happens in your life that's really not good is your confidence is shattered, your confidence on who you are and who you were. I I tell you what I've. I lost my identity a million times over the years. I forgot who I was. I'm finally starting to realize who I am now, and I'm not saying this is trauma, informed, or this is trauma, but when you do go through something, you lose your identity, and a lot of times when you lose your identity.
Speaker 2:You lose your confidence Absolutely. I can tell you about nights I laid on my kitchen floor crying because I was worthless in my mind. I wasn't that strong person that I believed I was or that I had built myself to be. I lost all of that confidence, all of that self-esteem, but what I realized is I was giving someone else power over what's inside me, and that's bullshit. That person cannot take away my confidence and my esteem and the things that I have built in my life. Those are mine and I'm not giving them away. So that's what I realized. That helped me see that I am still a badass, and that person tried to make me not a badass, but I am.
Speaker 2:And one of the things I will suggest to people, if I may, is to do what I call a strong enough list. So I literally on my phone and my notes and Android people I don't know maybe you can draw a crayon on your phone or something. I'm kidding Android people don't hate me but in your notes app, start making a list of the things that you have accomplished in your life, and it can be anything from you know high school sports to making it on court TV, to having a podcast to beating an illness, whatever it is. You start that list and then, any time your confidence feels shaken, you get out your phone and you look at that list, feel shaken. You get out your phone and you look at that list Because what happens in your brain is, as you look at those items, you start to feel how you felt when those things occurred.
Speaker 2:So when I look and see you were the 800 meter state champion I feel that you know when I read it and I'm like I sure was, like I remember crossing that finish line and I remember this, that and the other, and so that builds up your confidence because your brain relates back to that moment. So make your strong enough list, add to it constantly, like mine still grows because you're still doing amazing things in your life. But that's the one thing that, for me, has been able to keep my confidence up in those moments when you feel shaken.
Speaker 1:I really love that idea. I use the notes app all the time, but for different things, just to make sure I don't go back into situations that I don't want to go back to and to remember who I am. But I like the idea of doing it positive because I don't go back into situations that I don't want to go back to and to remember who I am. But I like the idea of doing it positive because I don't want to ruminate in negative thoughts anymore. I need to ruminate in positive stuff and, believe me, everybody has something positive to say about themselves. So many.
Speaker 2:And if you can't think of anything to start with, ask your friends and family. They will tell you. They will say don't you remember the time you did X? Or hey, what about when you did Y? Those are all positives. So if you can't start your own list, ask the people around you. You know what are some cool things I have done and that will start your list for you. I forgot that I carried the Olympic torch until.
Speaker 2:I started making my list and I was like holy shit, I did do that. I carried the Olympic torch. So it's like you will remember things that had gone from the memory because they happened so many years ago. It's so crazy Like very heavy by the ago it's so crazy.
Speaker 1:Very heavy by the way it's very heavy. Wow, I can only imagine it's a cool experience. It's tough. You forget about the positives.
Speaker 2:A lot of times.
Speaker 1:You do because you get in your day-to-day monotony and you're like, well, today was positive, I did this today, but you forget about your past. Um, you know, I'm trying to think about my consciousness, like how long I could remember back to. There's something positive. You could always think back to something negative. Right now I want to start thinking about okay, when I 12 or 10, what did I do that was positive, you know, and like to me, like my weight has always been a yo-yo, always, and I always forget that the work that I put into.
Speaker 1:So when I was in eighth grade, I was a chub dub, really super chubby, and I remember I couldn't get on a football team because I was so the local football team, because I was so chubby, chubby. And I remember I couldn't get on a football team because I was so the local football team, because I was so chubby. And I remember between my eighth grade and ninth grade, I I was walking all the time, I was running, I was doing everything I could, and then I was like super fit in ninth grade, like, if you saw a picture of me in eighth grade, be like, oh, that dude's chubby. And then in ninth grade, like, oh, what happened to him and it's like, and it's like, but I forget. You know, you forget about things like that. You always think about, like I didn't make the football team because I was chubby, but then you forget that you did the work, so when you're a freshman, that you could do all this stuff, and that you weren't, you know, overweight with and stuff. So it's like, yeah, you got to always forget.
Speaker 2:That's the shift that you need to make in your brain is, instead of dwelling on those negatives and I will tell you, we often also over exaggerate the negatives Like, for example, I remember one of the first podcasts I recorded and I kind of lost my train of thought in the middle of it and in my mind I had done all this weird like arm flailing and stuttering, and so when I sent it to my editor I was like hey, like I had this complete moment of stupidity. Please, like cut that whole thing out. And so then he contacts me and he's like I have no idea what you're talking about. I watched the episode three times. I cannot find what you're talking about. And so now I'm thinking he's an idiot.
Speaker 2:So I go back in and watch it and it was a momentary, maybe half of a second lapse of a thought, but in my mind I had made it this ridiculous thing. I was so embarrassed and it didn't really even happen that way. So that's what our brains do. They trick us sometimes and make those negatives even worse. So if you can flip to the positive side and instead of thinking I didn't make football because I was chubby, and turning that to, I worked really hard for a year so that I could become fit enough and made the football team. That's a total shift in your brain.
Speaker 1:You know I'm trying to. I probably have to scroll back a long time now, but I think when you first did Cork TV, you might've said something like that. But it's TV. You're only on there for a few minutes and you, you think that you made this big, grand gesture, grand gesture. But then you're like oh no, nobody recognized that I do that all the time. I'm like because a lot of times you're just, you're thinking on the fly. You know you're trying to make a decision, but I'm almost positive you did the same thing on one of your first appearances. I did Like you texted me. I'm like no, I didn't notice that at all. What are you talking about?
Speaker 2:I did. I was like, oh my God, they're never going to call me back. That was horrible. And you were like I didn't see anything. And yes, it is on the fly. I just want people to know. Sometimes they change our topic in the commercial. Literally in the commercial. They're like oh yeah, what we said earlier, it's not that anymore. Now it's this other thing that you've never heard of. Good luck talking about it intelligently in two minutes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, live TV. Never heard of good luck talking about it intelligently in two minutes. Yeah, live tv now think about this is like did the old claudia think she would ever be on tv? Did you ever think you'd have a podcast? Did you ever think you'd be open? This much about you'd be an open book?
Speaker 2:never. I was always very closed off uh, and a lot of that was from other trauma when I was younger but I was very closed off. I was terrified of public speaking. I would avoid it at all costs. And even like raising my hand to answer something in school Absolutely not. That was public speaking to me, so that was never going to happen. So to see where I am today is amazing. So, yeah, if I looked back at you know 13 to 20 year old me, she'd be like no way you're lying. This is not true. But that's how we evolve as people and that's how we can take our traumas and our challenges and grow instead of letting them keep us in that same spot. I could still be that person who's terrified to speak up. I could still be that person who just wants to sit in the corner, who refuses to share anything. But who is that helping? It's not helping me and it's not helping anybody else either. So growing into who you're meant to be is what God, or whatever you believe in, wants you to do.
Speaker 1:It makes me think because I'm like okay, so we talked about before how you go in wants you to do. It makes me think cause it's like okay, so we talked about before how you go from point A to point B, and it doesn't look like anything you can imagine. It's not a straight line. How did you start building your confidence that you could do these things, and why?
Speaker 2:So I took a public speaking class in college, which was horrifying. But for me my real shift came as a police officer, because the other thing that I struggled with was I never wanted to be a leader, I never wanted to be in charge of anything because I didn't want to mess up. I didn't want to make the wrong decision and be responsible for messing people up. And in rookie school that's not really an option, because you learn that you have to make decisions in the blink of an eye that really are sometimes life and death. So I had to do it.
Speaker 2:I was kind of forced into it and learning that if I'm able to take the information in front of me and make a decision that I can confidently defend, then that's all I can do. And so once I started doing that, more and more I became confident in myself and I became able to say I can speak up, I can talk in front of people, I can lead a group and make decisions for the good of everybody, and I'm not always going to make the right decisions, but I can explain to you why I did what I did and then learn and move forward. So for me it was that public speaking class that was terrifying, but it was really the career shift that I made and wanting to be the best cop that I could be, and to do that I was going to have to get outside my comfort zone.
Speaker 1:You know, the big step was the public speaking class and that's like the thing is like not everybody's going to go become a cop, not everybody's a cop, right, but when you want and we're not just talking about public speaking here, now, we're talking about another topic which is like if you want to better yourself and do something that's different, like, let's say, you may be kind of introverted but you want to get into public speaking, so you take a public speaking speaking class. Let's say you want to become a pilot. Let's say you want to do this, you want to do that. Take little baby steps, learn about it. Learn baby steps, learn about it, learn a little bit, function about it. You know, but you have to, like, start learning. Don't say something that's try something new, try something you always wanted to find a passion.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's. That's the key. We we like to sit in our little boxes, and I get it. Our boxes are comfortable, you know. It's it's fun to be here and it's safe and secure. But there's so much world out there outside of our little boxes and if you just take that first step out, like you said, learn. You know there's something that interests you. Learn a little about it. Take an online class, you know you don't even have to really put yourself out there per se. You don't even have to really put yourself out there per se. There's all kinds of sites where you can, either for free or pay like 20 bucks and do a course all on your own.
Speaker 1:So those are the baby steps that every single one of us can do to get to your best self. Part of that also I wanted to talk about today was it doesn't always have to be about bettering yourself as far as like, and what I mean by that is not bettering yourself to get the next job or do the new thing or the new income stream or this or that. A lot of times it's bettering yourself just to be a better person. So I have my routine Work out in the morning, I come back and I do paint my numbers.
Speaker 1:Right now I'm doing this big thing. It's called the Everglades, it's like a picture of the Everglades and I do one number each day and it's teaching me patience, because we're so used to scrolling, we're so used to instant gratification and it didn't just click until right now. I do it so my mind could take a break and I could just focus on trying to color paint in between the lines. And I'm not doing it so I could sell anything. I'm not doing it to be like, oh, look at me, I'm the greatest artist in the world. No, I'm doing it because I need to slow down. I need to like just accomplish something as little as getting one number done a day, so it doesn't always have to be about the next next thing in your life.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. You know I am working on improving my Spanish. I don't have any need for that really, but it's just something that I want to do for myself because it will make me feel better and it's expanding my brain, it's challenging me and that's why I'm doing it, you know, not so I can go on deport days or whatever, but just to have it for myself. So I love that you brought that up, because doing things just to better yourself or just to improve your knowledge or your skill set, as in your patience, those are good things. I think a lot of times we are taught that doing something just for yourself is selfish, and that's not true. We have to do things just for ourselves. We have to take care of us. If you don't, that's when you can't take care of anybody else, because you're not better, you're not well. So I love that you brought that up and I totally agree with you. And it's not selfish to take that time for you. And I love paint by numbers. That's amazing.
Speaker 1:It's literally like 20 minutes a day, but that 20 minutes is like, it's so nice, it's like, uh, there's a. There's this other thing I do like and I haven't done it in like three years and it's driving me nuts, I'm gonna do it this year is like my buddy has an amateur racing. I mean racing cars yes it's like endurance.
Speaker 1:It's uh, you know you drive two hours at a time and it's, it's the most incredible experience ever. And it's like endurance. It's you know you drive two hours at a time and it's the most incredible experience ever. And it's like real racing. You know you got the fire-returning suit on, you got this and that and for that two hours you're in the cockpit and you're driving. Nothing matters except what's in your mirrors and in front of you and behind you. Nothing matters, nothing matters. You've got to find a, a solace, a peace for yourself, because I swear, if you do something for yourself that could calm you, it's gonna help all of your relationships out a hundred percent.
Speaker 2:I used to go to a horse rescue and I don't anymore because I moved, so I could probably find another one.
Speaker 2:But if you haven't been around horses, they require all of your attention. And horses apparently like they can kind of sense when you're unfocused and they won't listen to you and they'll do their own thing. You really have to be in that moment, in that space, with the right mindset to deal with your horse and make them, you know, run the obstacle course or whatever you're doing. And that was kind of one of the first things I did to really learn how to shut everything else off, because I am one of those people that's always on my phone, I work from my phone. I can literally have my laptop in front of me and then work on my phone at the same time. So I have tried to do things that helped me put my phone down, and that horse time was the best If you have the opportunity to do that, because they will know I don't know how they know, but they know if you are not fully engaged and present with them and they won't listen to you. So that was big for me to learn.
Speaker 1:They are so intuitive. They are, oh my gosh. So just find, find out who you want to be, find out who you are. It's so easy to say, hey, just find out who you are and find out who you are, but really it just comes down to just little little things every day to to figure out who you are and it'll come. It'll come quick, um, a lot quicker than you think once you start.
Speaker 2:Once you start paying attention, you know, look at the things that you see, that interest. You Look at what TV that you watch. You know, like I watch all kinds of true crime.
Speaker 2:I have been watching that since I was little. So that told me you know you want to be somehow involved in crime, not committing it, but on the other side. But you know, maybe you love to watch baking shows, so maybe get out the stand mixer and try to bake yourself. You know, just pay attention to the little cues in your life and that will lead you to who you are and who you want to be.
Speaker 1:Find your hobby Something outside of like the norm that everybody you know. And a hobby to me is like I love shooting, I love shooting, I love doing all this and stuff like that. It's not really a hobby, it's like it's something I've enjoyed doing, but it's not like yeah, I don't even know how to explain it. It's something different. Photography for me now is like my new I can't even say it's new. I've always wanted to do it. Find something that just stimulates you, that you enjoy that you enjoy.
Speaker 2:I totally agree I used to do those little diamond paintings. Do you remember those? It's kind of like the paint by number, where it required that focus. So for me, yes, I don't want to be a painter, nor does anybody else want me to be a painter, I promise that. But it allowed me that time to myself to relax and to have that patience. I used to cross stitch little things like that. It's that time for me just to sit by myself. A lot of people are uncomfortable with that, I tell you alone.
Speaker 1:Loneliness, it's a new thing. There's a difference between being alone and being low and having loneliness. But, sometimes, when you have loneliness, you need to find those things that can kind of get you out of it. It's okay to be alone, I mean it is. Just don't get back to what we first initially started this conversation with was about depression. It's about okay, I'm alone. It's not the end of the world. There are positive things I could do to get me out of it so I don't get depressed by being alone.
Speaker 2:Exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2:And because the last thing you want to do is rush into a space where you are no longer alone because you were afraid to be alone. So obviously in a relationship context, you know and I'm guilty of that years ago of kind of rushing into that next thing because I was afraid to be alone. And now being alone, I don't want to say it's my favorite thing, it's not. But I enjoy the peace that I can experience by myself and that comes with practice and the ability to look inward and understand yourself and not be afraid of yourself, yourself and not be afraid of yourself, not be afraid of the thoughts in your head, not want to always push them away. So I'm cool with me now and I wasn't for a time, but I like me and I wouldn't always have been able to say that.
Speaker 1:I love that. That's a good point. To get to our last question this is something new is like point to get to our last question this is something new. I'm stealing this from another podcast what is the best piece of advice that you were given and why Someone else gave you this advice?
Speaker 2:Oh, wow.
Speaker 1:It's a tough one, huh.
Speaker 2:It is, I'm going to say, decisions of the head versus decisions of the heart. So when you're making decisions, where are they coming from? And you need to be able to differentiate. So if you're making a decision of the head, that's, that's well thought through and understood, that's okay. But we can get in trouble when we make decisions of the heart, when we let our emotions take control and we don't think of the consequences or the potential outcomes and we just make that decision purely based on that emotion. That's where we can get into trouble. So I think that's the best piece of advice I have ever gotten is to not let emotions control us, because that's really easy to do sometimes. But we've got to take that step back and breathe and know that there's a rational piece of us in there and we need to bring that in before we do something that might not be in our best interest.
Speaker 1:That is excellent advice, and I'm going to learn it myself. Well, claudia, I appreciate you coming on.
Speaker 2:Thank you, jason. Always a pleasure, and we'll have to do this again.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
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